Don't go for second best...

weekends are wonderful things for me. I get to gather my life. I get to sleep. I get to do things for myself instead of 79 eighth graders.

today... i didn't do much of anything. went to the dollar store, did laundry (that was kind of a big deal), went to an intramural game, went to a soccer game, went to TB with my sister, and went to Target! I guess i did somethings.

this week kind of made me think a lot about my friends. I don't really know why. I have been thinking about who in my life has stuck around? I have been thinking about who in my life is easy to be friends with? I have been thinking about who in my life i really truly need?

And it's a list. It's a lot of people, a lot of different, unique people. It's a lot of people that 5 or even 3 years ago I would have never thought i would want in my life long term. There are people whose opinions mean so much to me and there are people who i would just do about anything for.

But the thing i realized this week was that maybe they don't want to be that to me. Maybe they don't want me to do just about anything for. Maybe they want me to just allow them to be an acquaintance. But i don't know that I am ready to give up on them. I don't know if I can just allow them to slowly walk out of my life. But at the same time, it's not really my choice. I guess I have to let them decide and be okay with whatever their decision may be.

but how am i to be okay with that?

Why not today?

Broken promises

My heart you stole

Lies you told

Got the best of me

Digging in my heart of gold

Used to look at you

And see the possibilites

I see you for who you are

Boy you've disappointed me

What a week!
This week was full of fun and adventure. It was full of 8th grade madness. It was full of trying to figure out how to be a best friend when times are tough. It was full of wonderfully feeling insecure.

Have your ever just been really interested in someone but knew it really isn't going to work but you don't know why you can't truly grasp that? I think that is my life. I find guys that I am completely intrigued by but would never really amount to anything worthwhile. But then I get completely wrapped up in them. I think about them all the time. I spend time replaying conversations and I spend time trying to convince myself that one day, if everything was right, it could work. But I never figure out how or why I can't want it to work. I have this block that makes me spend time trying to tell myself I want it to work so bad but nevertheless I so easily talk myself out of any kind of relationship with them and really sometimes any friendship even.

I have an admirer who is more than flattering. He gives me compliments everyday, he seems to be mr. wonderful but I cannot stand to be around him. I cannot stand the sound of his voice. But of course I crave his attention. I long to hear those sweet things he has to say. Maybe it is just to boost my self-esteem but I think that it is maybe also because I know that kind of admiration is what I deserve.

I deserve a guy that thinks the world of me. I deserve a guy that knows all of my crap but still wants to know all of my thoughts and dreams, fears and passions. I deserve a guy that wants to be around me, that misses me when I am gone. I cannot keep dating guys that only want me when it is convenient for them. I am not going to be that anymore I simply cannot.

One day. One day I hope. One day I think I will find it. One day my future best friend will walk into my life and I hope that I know that he is the one. One day I feel like I will find what I have been longing and hoping for. One day it will come true. One day!

You still believe in every word you said

Clouds my head

Leaving me here to drown

Hopes and dreams therefore dead

You point you finger

Trying to justify your mistakes

Our days is goin to be made

So you best be on your way

Who I Am

I am Abby.
I am 22.
I am from Indianapolis.
I live in Tennessee finishing school.
I am girl who loves to be around people.
I am a girl who loves most things that are very girlsy, especially things that are pink.
I love to laugh.
I love to sing.
I love to run.
I love to have a late night conversation with a good friend.
I am very independent but love to depend on others, and love for others to really depend on me.
I am a student teacher in 8h grade math and am falling more and more in love with it everyday.

I am going to start blogging to see if it will help me think through and sort out my life.
I am not really a writer more of a dreamer so don't expect anything too interesting.