Why not today?

Broken promises

My heart you stole

Lies you told

Got the best of me

Digging in my heart of gold

Used to look at you

And see the possibilites

I see you for who you are

Boy you've disappointed me

What a week!
This week was full of fun and adventure. It was full of 8th grade madness. It was full of trying to figure out how to be a best friend when times are tough. It was full of wonderfully feeling insecure.

Have your ever just been really interested in someone but knew it really isn't going to work but you don't know why you can't truly grasp that? I think that is my life. I find guys that I am completely intrigued by but would never really amount to anything worthwhile. But then I get completely wrapped up in them. I think about them all the time. I spend time replaying conversations and I spend time trying to convince myself that one day, if everything was right, it could work. But I never figure out how or why I can't want it to work. I have this block that makes me spend time trying to tell myself I want it to work so bad but nevertheless I so easily talk myself out of any kind of relationship with them and really sometimes any friendship even.

I have an admirer who is more than flattering. He gives me compliments everyday, he seems to be mr. wonderful but I cannot stand to be around him. I cannot stand the sound of his voice. But of course I crave his attention. I long to hear those sweet things he has to say. Maybe it is just to boost my self-esteem but I think that it is maybe also because I know that kind of admiration is what I deserve.

I deserve a guy that thinks the world of me. I deserve a guy that knows all of my crap but still wants to know all of my thoughts and dreams, fears and passions. I deserve a guy that wants to be around me, that misses me when I am gone. I cannot keep dating guys that only want me when it is convenient for them. I am not going to be that anymore I simply cannot.

One day. One day I hope. One day I think I will find it. One day my future best friend will walk into my life and I hope that I know that he is the one. One day I feel like I will find what I have been longing and hoping for. One day it will come true. One day!

You still believe in every word you said

Clouds my head

Leaving me here to drown

Hopes and dreams therefore dead

You point you finger

Trying to justify your mistakes

Our days is goin to be made

So you best be on your way